Archive | November, 2012

It’s all in the believing…

30 Nov

Yesterday I found myself researching other blogs wherein women are inviting discussion on the topic of cancer…..I thought that this would be a fast track to meeting up with like-minded kindred spirits wanting to share and learn about ‘what it takes to stay alive basically’…..yep…..that’s what is rocking my boat at the moment….that’s what gets me excited! What I found is a plethora of blogs……some funny some clever, and some…..well how can I say this???? – abandoned! – there I’ve said it!………..I was about 5 blogs in really and had left a comment on 2 which I thought were up my alley, journeyingbeyondbreastcancer, being one of them……when I stumbled upon one with the title….shiningstarmiracle – Yep – admittedly it was the name that drew me in and once in was happy to find that the hostess- Melinda who was diagnosed in 2002 was very passionate about her regime for healing, mostly raw food from what I could initially see. Well this appealed to me as I have an affinity for raw food although I am not a vegan……just makes sense to me all those healthy, sprouty enzymes etc……anyways…..I shall cut this short as I suddenly realized that I was looking at a blog whose last post was in 2010…..oh oh….alarm bells went off and as I delved deeper into further links it became apparent that Melinda was nowhere to be found……I closed the page and found myself not wanting to delve further and actually not wanting to blog further on my own little domain. You see I noticed that the few blogs Melinda had posted had received hardly any comments- and here she was so excited to be sharing her knowledge…..This thought kind of pervaded my day really…..together with the thoughts about a dear friend living in America who seems to have gone missing….Really – it was not a very positive day and the darkness followed me to bed , with no prophetic dreams to post, and not much deep REM sleep either…..
But today I awoke determined to have a brighter view of things even though the temperatures are steadily dropping. On a brighter note already the lone braying from a donkey in a far off field seems to have subsided. The ee awwing has been so mournful over the last few days but it’s been too wet to venture up and see what’s obviously causing it anguish. DCIM101MEDIAPerhaps one of its friends has gone missing too! Anyway’s…..when i finally got out of bed- ashamed to say it was past 10 a.m, but the mood had shifted, I decided to try to find Melinda the shiningstarmiracle…..perhaps she had just changed blogsites….but no- sorry to say I uncovered a remembrance page for her. It has been almost one year since her passing and googling her name I found the full extent to just what an amazing force she had been during the 9 years of her breast cancer diagnosis. I almost decided not to mention this lady, this stranger really as i did not want to upset anybody who is having a particular rough time of it at the moment. And I really wanted to find out what exactly happened during these 9 years……she did things her way and who’s to say that this decision didn’t actually result in a longer happier life than perhaps the one she may have had with an orthodox route….No- one can say – and that’s the whole point – in mentioning her story it is simply to stress the point that – Melinda, as far as I know – kept her determination to heal herself holistically, and unfortunately had a recurrence…..This emphasizes that there really is no one way to treat ourselves and for all my friends out there who are undergoing their own challenging treatments and regimes – have faith in your choices – and carry on BELIEVING! That is the main thing. To choose something and have faith in the process – THERE IS NO ONE WAY. I continue to have my beliefs and will continue to post articles that I find interesting and that I choose to believe in but I want this to be about INTERFAITH HEALING…….I hold no answers…..just my story!
Well……..that’s me done for the day… neck’s stiff and the cold is getting to my feet….I need to go find the fire in the living room where Javier is having his siesta – bless….not for long…..Time to wake him up and for us to go chop some more wood……
Meanwhile I haven’t forgot about the last blog’s continuation on my revelations with Dottie etc……it really shall be continued – just not today!………………chop wood, keep warm!


Thinking back to the operation in July

28 Nov

Pauline and Javier before the operation in Liverpool

Following on from yesterday’s musings I began today gathering thoughts as I went about my daily regime.  I was awake early enough – 7 a.m., but since the big freeze is certainly upon us I stayed under the divinity of the ‘feathers’ until just before 9, thinking about all sorts of things and of course the foremost question of what to share about this journey of mine.

Starting my day with the usual carrot apple and ginger juice followed by a once every few days coffee enema, gave me time to meditate and allow thoughts and ideas to empower my mind… long lost friends came to visit and I will touch upon those souls who i have had the pleasure to know and the sadness to behold their lives prematurely taken away by this disease……but that’s for another day…..

Thinking back to July and the recuperation after my operation…  
I had the surgery July 9th and Javier came over to Liverpool for a week to help care for me (no easy task might I add, as I like to be the one doing the fussing and the telling of others what to do!)  However I did my best to follow orders and made the whole thing enjoyable (???##!!!) by videotaping as we went along (hopefully some of which will be uploaded at some point.) When Javier left,  I set about researching what course of action i was going to pursue as follow up support.  I had already made it clear to the ever- supportive Alison Waghorn, my oncologist, that I was not in favor of chemo, radiation or Letrozole, and since they were pretty much the only things on offer for me at the NHS, save the regular injections of iscador mistletoe through the homeopathic wing:  I would have to think fast since refusing those I would be considered at a high risk in their books and I was already being administered my fair share of fear- theres not mine.

It was my choice to have the surgery, and I was very grateful for that- walking the middle ground – was how I liked to think of it.  I had always said that I would do whatever felt organically right for me, and yes- waiting until 11 years after diagnosis, may sound like a wrong decision in some books….but not in mine – I have never regretted that first decision and indeed my overall health was to improve drastically by focusing on holistic natural healing to boost my immune system – ironically because of cancer! How novel is that? – let’s face it there are lots of people living with cancer these days.   Since I was already on the same basic healthy regime as always, save the occasional fish, 80% raw organic food, whatever top of the wishlist supplements I could afford, and adapting the Gerson therapy basics to fit my personal circumstances,(stone broke to be perfectly honest!) Since I had long since exhausted all available savings and expendable income, and with no assets to speak of it was time to reach out for support of a different kind, that of a charitable nature. Not long after my initial diagnosis I had happened upon the WIRRAL HOLISTIC CANCER CARE SERVICES founded by Dorothy Crowther. Under their healing hands I was treated to a number of complementary treatments such as Accupuncture and reflexology, and also given guidance with the Gerson therapy. They had always been a source of great support and were on my doorstep. I had spent a lot of time over the years doing charitable work and was always available to talk to others about their particular diagnosis etc; especially since I had written two books revolving around cancer. But here I was coming around the mountain again so to speak so I was in no position to help others until I had done some resting and re-grouping of my own. Amongst the therapies that had been on my wishlist were photodynamic therapy which at £10,000 a pop was out of the question and hyperthermia which had been successful but left me needing yet more and more swallowing up cash that soon disappeared – hence the surgery decision.
And so the search was on….one website leading to another…..until a magic moment when a door opened up and I was invited in!
I cannot remember now where I first heard about the charity New Approaches to Cancer but before I knew it, after an initial phone call to to their office where i left my story in brief on the answering machine, I was contacted by a very knowledgeable and forthright lady who after listening patiently to a rundown of the last 11 years of my complex story promised to send me a packet of information with all things related to healing cancer. As a closing question she asked ” Are you doing Vitamin C infusions?” of course my answer was no – they had always been either out of reach geographically, financially or as with the last few years out of the radius of my ‘importancy list’. A great burst of joy entered my heart when the lady, whom I later came to know with great reverance as Dottie, finalized the conversation by saying in her ‘quite direct and to the point manner’, ” well my dear, when the packet arrives see which doctor on our list appeals to you and we will see if we can’t help you to have your vitamin C infusions…..
As fate would have it more positive news would come a few weeks later when Dorothy Crowther put me in touch with TOGETHER AGAINST CANCER. Christmas had indeed arrived early it seems!…….(to be continued)

Aside 27 Nov
My day pretty much got hijacked yesterday as I followed my instincts and started to catch up with a backlog of communication.  
As is usually the case one thing led to another and then into my inbox popped Chris Woollams latest missive from…I have pasted a little of his comments here It can surely only be a matter of time before conservative Britain and its oncology departments wake up to realise the rest of the Western world think complementary therapies in areas such as stress management, diet, exercise and so on really can help people survive longer and even prevent a cancer returning. The report by the American Cancer Society I have frequently told you about has now been endorsed by America’s top cancer body – the National Cancer Institute,no less.

But in the UK the awakening is starting. Now Imperial College has a new College of Medicine headed by Professor Djamgoz, who when addressing MPs at the House of Commons, talked of patients needing ‘more than just the surgery and the chemotherapy. They need therapies that help reduce their stress, control their pain, adjust their nutrition, enable them to relax – plus psychological, emotional and spiritual support too’. Whatever next? He even talked of better ways of treating cancer.

Meanwhile I have pasted here below my first blog on the now defunct :
November 17th
I woke up this morning determined to begin blogging in earnest!
No no!!!! I really do mean it this time. The thing is……I have so much going on in this mind of mine that it will take some doing to get the gist of it all but hopefully my experience along the way will be of help to ‘my target audience’ – YES…..that’s you my lovelies…..all those dedicated souls who have at once been touched by the big ‘C’, and who continue to search for the answers that will apply to your own personal set of …????…well let’s call them ‘circumstances’.
The last 11 years dealing with breast cancer have taught me that there is no ‘one way’ to healing. In my book AND SO WE HEAL- I tried to document all that was going on with me in a way that would be both helpful and entertaining. Having spent my formative years pursuing a career as an actress I still find myself viewing life as the grand epic of a movie I was destined to star in. I make no excuses anymore for who I am. I am indeed happy and grateful to still be alive.
And so as I continue to heal following the signs along the way I shall attempt to backtrack a little and continue where the book left off. That’s 3 years to catch up with, so a little patience please and watch this space. It’s taken me the best part of the day to get this far and I need to get out and pick some apples. I am sure I will pick up speed and hope to make this a daily practice but no promises yet……
Let me just say that I have just returned to Asturias, my Spanish home away from home…..after spending 2 days in Brighton receiving Vitamin C infusions at the VISION OF HOPE CLINIC, courtesy of NEW APPROACHES TO CANCER, YES TO LIFE and TOGETHER AGAINST CANCER. How grateful I am for the support of these fine charities.


25 Nov

Not quite early morning…..but up and at it all the same.

Since we bought a new feather duvet  recently it becomes harder to surface from the luxury of a warm bed in the approaching winter of Asturias.  I have precisely three weeks before setting off for Brighton again and the VISION OF HOPE clinic where I receive the vitamin C infusions that have become so all important to my new ‘closing the door on cancer’ regime.

I always thought I was getting adequate vitamin C during those early days of my diagnosis back in 2001.  I was doing daily juicing  a la GERSON therapy –,  and supplementing with powdered vitamin C.  Of course I knew of the importance of high dosage and longed to be able to get regular vitamin C infusions, but they were just not available locally, and to travel to the few doctors that were administering them seemed impossible without a car – and once there – who could afford them?  And so I soldiered on doing what I could and trusting that the powdered Vit. C was better than nothing.  As the years have passed I have changed my approach and regime many times really to adapt to wherever I was, and whatever was going on with me…..’Me’ – being the point here as I have always maintained that there is no ‘one way’ to fight cancer!

Being a sagittarius has inevitably found me travelling perhaps more than others and I always found inspiration as I did so.  I should perhaps change tenses here as I still am the traveler…..and still it seems on the so called ‘cancer trail’, which seems to get more and more controversial with each passing day.  Never mind that bonafide websites such as come underfire for providing cutting edge information both on orthodox and alternative cancer treatment: freedom and respect for the choices we make, should be our individual right.  I have met many people who have survived and still continue to survive cancer having used orthodox treatment, just as I have a long list of dear friends who have sadly passed using both orthodox and alternative ways.  The one thing that makes good sense to me is to use the healthiest method  possible and to me that entails detoxing of both body and mind – and that takes discipline ….

My aim here is to report on my particular journey, and to invite dialogue on both sides of the fence….. Orthodox and Alternative with the hope that we can find some middle ground.

Back to vitamin C and the present then : At the Vision of Hope clinic ( I receive monthly infusions courtesy of two charities –New Approaches to Cancer, Against Cancer,   And with the help of Yes to life,  I can supplement daily with a course of LYPOSPHERIC VITAMIN C, which is the most exciting news yet –…/lypo-sphericvitaminc./

Having said that I am off to get one of my 5 daily doses…..

And yet more excerpts from the AND SO WE HEAL book :

As the wind blows

24 Nov

As the wind blows.


As the wind blows

24 Nov

So much for the ‘early morning pages’ then…it’s now become ‘late afternoon’ snippets i’m afraid!
I’ve been out gathering the avalanche of apples brought down by last nights wind.  There’s a mountain of pine cones to gather as well, and we’ll need all the fuel we can gather as the house is colder inside than out!  Not complaining….as it’s a paradise here and hey…..finally time to blog!
I still haven’t found my way back to the initial blog ( so will continue here :

Since I am still contemplating exactly where to plunge in with my story, as it currently stands, let me just say that in July of this year I chose to have the ‘chest wall recurrence’, which has been steadily gaining ground in the last year, operated on. For those of you that know me well or have read the book you will remember that since my initial diagnosis I have refused surgery, chemo, and radiation. I did opt for Electro tumeral therapy – ECT in Malaga, Spain in 2005, and did well with that, losing most of my breast as the tumour pushed it’s way out of my body, nipple and all….(fascinating experience to say the least!) when the bell went off on the ECT machine I was declared ‘cancer-free’, but obviously that was not the end of the story as a few years later in the same area up sprung a recurrence. I call it that, but actually I think: and my oncologist, the very dear Ms Alison Waghorn will strongly agree that it was actually one and the same. I so wanted it all to be over with and for me to happily march into the sunset of my new beginning, leaving the ‘cancer grounds’, in the dust behind me. I so wanted to return to normal, little realizing that ‘normal’ was something I had never been or would ever likely to be. Little did I know when I chose the title for my book AND SO WE HEAL, that I would still be here talking about healing, three years later. But I have come to accept my journey as a gift and am happy to share my experiences as always in the hope that in the future we have more choices available. I am one of the lucky ones…..
And so…..back to July and the ‘operation’. It was totally my decision then….MY CHOICE, as it were, and Ms Waghorn was very supportive in agreeing to everything that I did’t want, ie; no follow-up chemo, radiation, and spare me my underarm lymph nodes please! This was not an easy decision for her i might say as protocol in the NHS demands otherwise. But – as the patient, guess what? We do have a say- and i certainly had mine! The ‘operation’, which was classified as a ‘mastectomy’ even though I technically had no breast to remove, went well, but no walk in the park as far as recovery goes. I did manage to spend only one night in the hospital and escaped any pain medication, and dare i say it ‘hospital food’, except for a delicious bowl of porridge that is…..The worse part was being hunched over for several weeks fearing that I may stay that way forever.
Scars do not bother me luckily as mine is some 13 inches long with a kind of star-burst, almost winglike shape, where once i had a breast (expect to see some fotos soon) And since i have not had a breast for 8 years, there was no emotional pain involved in losing it…..Far from it in fact- it feels good to have the ugly recurrence gone and in my daydreams I contemplate that in the not so distant future perhaps transferring some of the soft excess of my inner thigh to grow me another breast…..
Sorry to leave you with that image……but I promise you things rapidly improve and my adventures continue with lots more to share including Vitamin C infusions in Brighton, and links to the wonderful charities that have helped and inspired me including:,,

I shall attempt now to paste a few more pages of AND SO WE HEAL…..
Hasta pronto!

22 Nov

I somehow locked myself out of the blog yesterday and spent hours trying to remember the pertinent keys…..Something to do with cookies etc ; all alien to me, but after finally opening a new blog, presto here I am again.  hope this isn’t too confusing.

Yesterday I wrote :

After much toing and froing I came to the realisation that the Amazon kindle download is not as I thought it would be.  It downloads text only and since my book has illustrations and creative typesetting this method is not a viable option I’m afraid.  We are looking into having the book available as a direct e- book download with all pages as they appear in the original but this will take some time.

In the meantime I had to create this new blog which hopefully I will merge into one.

The good news is I am able to start loading excerpts from AND SO WE HEAL :